This morning on my way to church my 15 year old son was sitting next to me with earphones in, mad. James , my husband, had to work today to be off Friday, a VERY important day for our family. So, it was on me to make sure we were at church. As typical on Sunday in our house, an argument broke out and some behavior between brothers was less than favorable (I'm being very vague here, I know).
After some words back and forth my boy put his headphones in and I thought "Doesn't matter what Sunday, any Sunday morning someone is arguing before church." (Get behind me Satan)
I've never raised a teenage boy before. I am treading in new waters and I have two more coming up quickly behind the first. For a few weeks I have asked about book recommendations, prayed, read devotionals, and asked for advice on raising boys. I've tuned into my Titus women whom I respect for raising godly men. Still, today I gripped the steering wheel and prayed a silent prayer that I do better with my actions, reactions, and words. Any momma's feeling me?
Is it true that if your teenager isn't mad at you, you're doing it wrong? Does it have to be that way? I can not stand that my oldest son, as good and responsible as he is, is mad at me. I want him to understand why I do what I do because it's out of love and to see that I just want the best. Isn't that what we all want?
I pray over my children so often and ask for so much wisdom. Today was no exception. As I walked into my Sunday School class after delivering all the "smalls" to their appropriate locations I took a deep breath. It actually felt good to expand my chest and let it all out. I was handed the prayer request book and scribbled down "wisdom on how to raise a teenager" and a few others and passed it on. I sighed again. It felt good to sigh.
I opened my lesson and my Bible and after a few minutes my friend and teacher stood up and wrote "With Love...." on the board beside her. She was referencing how we are supposed to do everything with LOVE. Then, as God does, He started transforming the words coming out of her mouth to be exactly what I needed to hear. She said something about her coworkers and "building them up." What I heard was "everything you say to him should be to build him up, never to tear him down." That's it!
It's so easy sometimes to hurt others when you're offended or your toes are stepped on and especially since teenagers have such "big feet" and seem to step on toes often.
Build him up with words of love.
We forget that sometimes correcting wrong behavior doesn't have to be with discipline and consequence but sometimes we can use the opportunity to remind our sons and daughters of who they are, that they have a purpose, that they are loved and that they are important. Sometimes all that lashing out and hormonal anger just needs us to dissolve it all with loving kindness and words of wisdom that make them better people to build them up.
It's not easy.
It's worth it.
Proverbs 16:24 says that "pleasant words are like a honeycomb, sweet to the souls and healing to the bones.
This is the verse I choose to meditate over. Like my friend and teacher says "as you mediate, God will take you deeper and peel back the layers." I am praying that it is so.
How do you really become humble?
How do you know if you have become humble?
Isn't becoming humble something you shouldn't know that you have become?
So many times in the last few weeks I have had the instructions come across my life that are telling me to be humble.
I look at the piles of laundry on my bed to fold and I'm humbled.
I receive more clothes from my friends for my kids and I'm humbled.
I spend time with caregivers of family and I am humbled.
I watch my husband work to provide for us and I am humbled.
I look at what I've written here and I see the word "I" far to often.\ That's not humbling.
It seems so proud to have a blog that I share with the world so that I can simply poor out my inner Voice.
It feels good to talk to a screen space that's white and blank.
It feels good to type the words in my head and watch them dance straight across the screen into the world.
My words long to pour out of my finger tips. They are itching to cover that blank screen.
How can you wish for the world to hear your inner Voice and remain humble? I looked up the word humble on Google.
Let's talk about humble as a verb. I'm going to do it for you right now....
Tonight I have been working. I have been doing a few calls and I fed my kids pizza because that's what they wanted. That's not bad at all...right? Then, my husband came home and I went downstairs. I could feel myself tense up. I was glad to see him but the Dave Ramsey came out in him..."why'd you buy pizza?" he asked. Because I've been working until just now and I figured I'd be a good mom and feed them something. Then, I asked..."Did you call that customer you were supposed to last night?" His answer was "No" so I started....the result in me explaining why it was important to call resulted in a few exchanges of harsh words and bam...I did it. Like a 2 year old I threw a cup of milk at a his head. I seriously wanted it to hit him. I mean, something inside me wanted him to wear that cup of milk I was holding and it did't stop there, I wanted him to wear that class of ice water on the table. So, I ran up stairs and locked myself in the room for a good cry. I've just humiliated myself. I just demeaned myself and tarnished the good girl reputation I was so proud of. I just did it. I just told you all about it and I am so ashamed.
I'm hot headed and spontaneous sometimes and I do not like that side of myself. My anger rises so fast that I can't control it. I react. Words don't hurt my husband...not sure anything does. What I really want sometimes is for my hurt and anger to just exit me and go ahead and fill the room. I want to rage and let it out. I want to turn a table over. Then after that monster is done, I feel so ashamed. Where does that come from? How can I do better? This isn't me and it is definitely not the me I want to be.
The problem comes with pride. I have been proud and it hurts when my faults are pointed out.
I have not been humble. Everything is always about me.
I'll clean up the milk tomorrow.
I won't be able to erase my mistake.
I won't be able to take it back.
I want to stop saying "I" so much. Even "I" am tired of "me".
Oh my sweet God in Heaven, please help me.
The Spirit of Giving.
It's not just around the holidays and Christmas that we should talk about the Spirit of Giving.
Every single day is a gift to us.
Spread the love.
A dear, sweet friend of my had Baby Number 3 on July 4th. It was a devastating delivery for her. The baby is strong and healthy but her experience would leave any woman broken and hurt. Her recovery will be hard. Having a baby is as traumatic and stressful on a woman's body as a man's body who is fighting a war. That's what I've heard it is compared too. I believe it.
With good intentions I cooked all day Wednesday to take a dinner to this family. I can't promise it will taste good or be healthy but it will be comfort food, nourishing, and cooked by me. I don't know how to cook small when it comes to soups so I figured that was the best food to cook for this occasion. So Loaded Potato Soup it is.
I found beautiful baguette bread and brought it home and sliced it up.
I made Apple Cinnamon and Cranberry Orange Muffins
Cubed up some fresh watermelon and topped it all off with a gift.
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I sure hope they loved it.
I am birth mom to my 3 boys, foster mom to 2 sweet babies, wife to my high school sweet heart, and daughter to my King. I love to write. I am no scholar but I love my Lord and He helps me.