When I closed my eyes early this morning for an additional hour of sleep because my eyes opened way to early something amazing happened, I dreamed.I dream all of the time but sometimes I have one of those dreams that will never leave me and haunt me until I understand it. My dream was one that made me move my feet when I got up this morning so that I could clear my head and focus on a task I was meant to do.
For about a month and a half I have had adoption application papers in a box, filed away neatly by my bed. I keep waiting for that peaceful moment when I can pull them out and begin chipping away at them. What was I thinking? That moment will just not come. God has really been speaking to me on this which is why I did the "He Speaks to Me" posts. I want people to know that I don't take this matter lightly and it is NO JOKE.
My business seems to wax and wain with the thoughts I put towards the adoption which is no surprise really, God needs me to trust Him on this. I put everything in a box, closed it up and went about life and in the mean time God has not been blessing me so much when it comes to my work. So, he heavily convicted me last week, every single day, and so Sunday morning I pulled the files out and put them in a bag to carry with me. God proved that He was waiting on me and we received a blessing, really multiple blessings. Now it's back out of the bag because this morning He put urgency behind my actions with my dream...
Imagine that you are in the middle of a situation where a young girl, teenager, comes to you and says...I CAN'T find my my baby. The whole community starts looking and before the day was out you find the baby. In the woods, alone, crying, dirty, injured and when you pick her up she clings to you with all of her strength and with all of her might she holds on to you. She won't let go and you take her home, bathe her, change her dirty diaper, call the authorities, the doctors, and dress her. Imagine rocking her to sleep for the first peaceful rest and feeding she's had in who knows how long really and then laying her down to sleep. Then imagine that girl coming for her baby and all the while you know what happened, that she had discarded that baby girl and you will fight with everything in you to protect her. She was never wanted, never loved; and now she is. You are going to fight for her.
I feel like I've used the words "fight for your family" a few extra times today we talking to people. I don't believe this dream was by chance. I haven't watched TV, or had any conversations or seen anything remotely that would make me think it was out outside influence. This is His eternal influence.
So today, I found this little green file folder and it screamed...use me! So, I love that I can carry this around and keep it with me. May seem small but to me this is big and instead of waiting on that peaceful moment, I'm going to be writing on these papers and filling them out and reading the articles required and so much more because I will keep it on me even in all my chaos. So if you see my green folder with me, know that I am serious. I'm also personally in great prayer for the mother of this baby girl. Please be in prayer for her. I am asking for LOTS of prayers that God continue to move me forward in His Will, continue to bless our house, my family, my business so that I can stay focused on this task that He clearly is preparing us for.
For years, even before we had children, James and I wanted to adopt. It was something we "wanted" to do. We had talked about it years before we even were married. Since we married in March of 2001 we have had the privilege of becoming the earthly parents of 3 amazing boys. Our youngest is almost 7 and our oldest is 12 today , we can't believe the years have flown by. In the last year, God has started opening our hearts.
If you could feel the petals of a flower open, that's what our hearts feel like. It's not just about "wanting" an addition to our family, it has become increasingly about rescuing our daughter. It's about becoming vulnerable. It's about allowing others to enter into what is sacred and exam us. It's about doing what is necessary in order to fulfill our purpose. Just like an opening flower. If we had to rescue one of our own boys, we would stop at nothing to bring them home. Tears streamed down my face at the thoughts when I said "that's how I feel about bringing our daughter home."
About a month ago I had a real talk with God on the issue because the feeling in my heart was growing but I wanted to be sure He had planted that seed there to grow.
Without vision the people perish. Proverbs 29:18
So, I wanted to know, what God's vision was for us. I wanted Him to plant that seed and nurture it. In the midst listening for Him I was overwhelmed by a sense of urgency. In a still, small voice I heard..."You have 8 months to prepare. Prepare your home, finances, relationships, and family because I'm bringing her to you." Obviously, with that sense of urgency you don't want to sit back and "wait". When He gives you a vision of your life with a daughter to raise, your feet start moving. Your mouth starts speaking and your heart starts listening because HE is leading you to her. Don't think I didn't get out my calendar and look to see what 8 months out looked like...December of 2014.
I told James I don't look at other people's little girls and think "I wish I had one." My heart doesn't ache with "wanting", it's so much different. It is simply a sense of urgency to protect our child. I believe with all my heart she is has not been born. I believe with all my heart that we are to pray for her birth mother daily to continue to make the important decisions for her growing baby with lots of love, care, and thought. I believe with all my heart that our daughter has a place here in our lives. I believe with all my heart that we are to raise her up as a child of His so that she can grow to be a Proverbs 31 woman and see the world through His eyes. She will be compassionate, honest, caring, spunky, and a difference maker. She will be a dreamer, creative, intelligent, and a worker. She will rock our world.
We are going to be making a bit of a mess to bring her home and at the same time lining up things in our lives that need to be taken care of. God is providing the way to bring her home. We are trusting Him in every move we make. We asking for guidance from Him, wisdom, and the means. He is her provider now and forever, we are to be her caretakers, her love, her open arms, her hugs, her discipline, her warmth, her security, her safety, and her everything.
Please be in prayer for us as we embark on this journey to bring her home. Any support we receive will simply fuel our fire and fan our flames. Please visit my etsy boutique (click the image above) to purchase patterns and handmade items to help increase our adoption fund.
I am birth mom to my 3 boys, foster mom to 2 sweet babies, wife to my high school sweet heart, and daughter to my King. I love to write. I am no scholar but I love my Lord and He helps me.