I shared on January 1st the word for my new year.
In order to be the light I must be transparent. Social media and the internet love to show you perfect lives but sometimes we glorify imperfection to a degree that makes our lack of effort okay. In order to produce fruit and harvest what God is trying to give we must be the light and put the effort in. This is my prayer today.
Pray with me.
Help me Lord to see your Son in every situation. Help me Lord to lift the veil daily to see Him standing at my right side, arms open and out, ready to guide and help. Help me Lord to be a light for the rest of my life, let's start with today. Use my broken, tired, weak vessel, make it beautiful, lively, and strong to serve. Let the words and love that pour out of me be with such gracious abundance that it falls on others. All from You. I don't want to simply splash Your love on others. I want to help drench them. Help me to start with my closest family and friends. They are closest to me, given to me, so let Your love pour out on them first. Let me, Lord, shine for you. Help me be a guiding light straight back to You in this dark world. Increase my wisdom to know how to lead and direct others to Your written Word. Help me to be bold when I tell others to pray, even if it's not what they want to hear as a solution for their problems. Let my conviction of the goodness of prayer and the relationship it brings with Your mighty power be more evident than ever. I give my all, my everything, to You. I am not short of struggles and pain. Set me up right daily as I come to You. Pour in me the light. Give me a peacefulness that only comes from you so that others may find peace and rest when near me. Let them experience You through the light. I realize that in all my asking for help that it is a direct reflection of my weakness. I realize that my weakness, my cracks, is where You shine through to others. Help me to seek You in all. I come to You in all I do through Your Son Jesus.
Yes, Lord, let it be done.
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power than is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.
It's 5:30 a.m. and I have had little sleep. I'm not going to complain, just wanted to justify if any part of this post doesn't make any sense. It's a little hard to focus but I think sometimes those are the moments when God's love and plan becomes more in focus.
Tonight I have stayed with my Granny in the hospital. She turned 87 this year. That's a big number. That's a great many of days on this earth. When my baby's were little I would say to them that they had only been on this earth for a little while. My Granny has been here awhile. There are lots of Granny's out in the world. Some are not as fortunate as mine to have family all around.
My Granny and I...We love each other. She had 10 grand children and I was somewhere in the middle. She and my Papaw owned a dairy farm. I grew up a stone's throw away from her house. I could always see the barns, fields, smoke house, cows, hay and their home from my front door. I explored the land all around that my Papaw worked. I ran through the corn fields, stepped in the cow patty's, swam in the ponds, hiked in the woods, picked wild black berry's, and climbed many fences and trees. Much of my childhood was spent playing outside with my brother or alone. We stayed out of the road and in the woods.
One thing I hope I never forget is going to church with them on Sunday. There came a time in my life where I was between driving myself and my parents attending church. So, Papaw and Granny picked me up every Sunday for years. I served in the church as I got older, helping out with the kids and still being involved in the youth. During those years I met my husband and introduced him to Christ. I owe a great deal to my grandparents for my spiritual walk. I didn't always stay on the path. I always loved my Lord but I stopped worship out of high school, I didn't grow spiritually for a long time but I remained His child and loved Him. I didn't know how to stand up for what I believed in but I did make choices based on His Word.
I have a lot of memories as a child, many are faded or gone too. I need reminding sometimes of my own past. Pictures and friends are great for that. The parts I remember most were the ones that were most important to me. Ballet recitals, tap dancing, climbing trees, building forts in the woods, hanging on the monkey bars, playing with my beloved toys and dolls, not a lot of friends to speak of but I was close to my cousin.
Yesterday I knew I'd be up all night with Granny at the hospital, I cleaned house and it was very quite. James had taken the Little's to the lake and I just needed a "moment". I checked off some tasks for the day, bought groceries, washed clothes and the entire time I thought about Granny. Granny wasn't always a Granny. I thought about pictures of her as a little girl standing in line with her classmates outside of their school building. She always complained that she was the biggest girl in class. She was tall and stout and pretty enough to catch my Papaw's eye pretty early. That's a whole other love story to share another time.
I'm sure she was no different than any other girl. She read books, played, worked around the house, and grew up.
I'm not really wanting to get into her story this morning. Although, I think it would be neat to go back and see it all play out again. Basically, we grow up. Whatever is going on in the world, country, city, home, all plays a part in our lives. Each generation probably sits back and thinks, these are "signs of the times" and the "end is near" We try not to dwell on the evil in the world. Instead, we curl our hair, put on lipstick, fall in love, get married, have babies, love our husbands, raise our children, talk to girlfriends, and much of our daily lives are similar to that of women from our past.
We were all little girls once.
Then we become women.
As a mom I imagine all my grandmothers before me who had babies, raised them, had heart breaks, and celebrations. It all seems so fleeting when you think about their lives. When you think about your own there is so much to experience and have experienced. I used to rock my babies and wonder if the women before me felt the way I did. I think if anything the use of technology year after year helps us to find the time to enjoy our babies more. For the majority of moms we aren't washing our clothes by hand, sewing clothes for the family, or making everything from scratch. No, we have some luxuries that make life easier but we still never have time. We fill our time up with things to do. I am finding that turning my thoughts to the past has created a new learning curve. What would the mothers before me tell me to enjoy most, to pay attention too. What is the most important thing in this life?
Not all women grow up wanting to have babies or get married. I get that. It's okay. Our souls callings are each unique and our divine purpose is unique just like us. No two are the same. What I can relate too is what I experience. My entire childhood I wanted nothing more than to have a baby of my own. I even prayed that God let me be around long enough to have a baby. He gave me 3.
Purpose, it has to be simple. I think I try to complicate my purpose in trying to always figure out what it is when it truly is simple. I am a mother. I am a wife. I am a child of His. My purpose is in front of me everyday. I don't have to try to find it. There will come a day when my purpose here will be fulfilled and I pray that I did it to the best of my abilities, allowing our Father to be sufficient where I am not. I will love Christ and share His love. I will make mistakes and not always love as I should. Still, my purpose is to enjoy this life, this gift, that He has given me. To see Him in more a more each day, to whisper His name in times of need out of faith. We all have a purpose, it is simple. Each is unique and evolves.
If we will just walk in the light, we will clearly see where we are going. If we will just persevere, we will make it. If we will keep our eyes on Him, he will not let us fall. Others are watching us...even those who haven't been born yet. They will think of us. What will we have them remember? What will we have them think of us?
Since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.--Hebrews 12:1
Before now I have been in complete awe of people that say they can hear our Lord speak to them. Whenever people would say they could hear His Voice my head would cock a little to the side and I would wonder "how?". Then one day it happened. After asking for that experience and the desire or closeness, I found His Voice. It was subtle, clear, and could only be heard in the stillness and quietness of the moment I was in.
In order to hear His Voice I had to want to hear Him. I had a desire so deep inside me to hear my Father's Voice that I had begun to seek it. For days and days it seemed like I was trying to "unlock" a secret phone line to God. I wanted to be able to talk to Him and hear His Voice but what I found suddenly was that I heard Him.
I was laying in my bathtub one night trying to relax but was distressed about a few things. I can't even remember what they were now but I'll never forget when I became perfectly still and all the noise had faded away, then I heard Him. It was a small voice kind of like if you were to think thoughts to yourself. Only, it's not your voice. It's personal to you because He calls you by name, He begins to clear your mind and make the chaos go away in your head so that as He speaks, all the pieces come together. It always feels like He takes all the pieces, gifts, signs, words, everything and puts them together for me. What He reveals is a bigger picture. One I would not have thought of or seen had I not asked for Him to show me what He needs of me.
The day I first heard Him I was overjoyed, I had love flowing all through me, clarity, ideas, and excitement. The things He had placed in me, had spoken to me could only have come from Him. The next day a girlfriend came over and I shared with her what had happened. She felt it was absolutely necessary I call our pastor and share with Him. I did and I explained to Him that I had been wondering for a long time what it was like to hear Him speak. Once I found His Voice I had a desire for more.
The more I hear the more I desire to hear. There is so much to my spiritual journey and so many personal revelations that I may not remember them all. I believe with every ounce of me that is why He is calling me to write out everything He reveals. They are gifts but they are to be shared. They are not just for me, they are for all my sisters. I don't know what He wants to do with the revelations and writings but I have promised to do my best to reveal in such a way that it is clear. I want nothing more than each of my fellow Christians to be able to hear His Voice.
I no longer feel "weird" when I talk about how He speaks to me. I have found that it is more common that we realize. The more I surround myself with others that hear, the more I realize I am not alone and that it is something we all have a desire to experience. We can all experience it. Then again, it's okay if people think I'm weird.
He listens and...
My prayer for you my reader is that you find your still quite place and seek His face. I pray that you begin to see the things that are unseen and that God reveals to you the world through His lens.
Come on...run with me a minute.
Thursday morning I woke up with a huge, heavy burden on my heart and all I wanted to do was run. When I run I escape for a little time, I clear my head, I release happy endorphin's, and I spend time learning lessons from God. As soon as my feet hit the pavement my eyes started welling up as my lips started muttering to God that I needed Him. I would dry my eyes quickly as I saw other runners coming my way and I'd just pull away from my feelings for a bit. Then after I trotted a little further I heard that small Voice say..."Top of the Hill". I just laughed to myself. Seriously? I'm supposed to go to the top of the hill? I can barely run on level ground much less up a hill. As I approached another road the Voice grew and grew until I could not deny it. "Top of the hill." it said over and over. So I reluctantly turned towards the hill, the highest in the park, but told myself I was not running up that big hill, I was walking it...and I did.
Along the way I talked to God about the burdens and all the chaos in my head. It became very windy where the road leveled out a bit, I paused, and then I kept climbing. All the while I was searching for Him and listening for the Voice. I got to the the top of the hill and looked...nothing...except, there was a trail that went higher so I wasn't at the actual top of the hill, just stopped where the road stopped. So I took the trail taking note that it was unexpected and I didn't know where it led but I'd take it. I climbed until I reached the top and it was a grassy clearing. I went to the center of the clearing to listen and...nothing.
Ugh! I was getting frustrated. I was sure the Voice said to go to the top of the hill. I couldn't have been mistaken, there had to be something for me. I was so frustrated. About the time I decided to go back down I noticed another path. By the looks of it the path would take me back down the hill and it would probably end up at the road where I noticed earlier a path wound around and met the road I'd just come up on. So I thought, I'll go for it. Trail running is fun...I suppose.
As I start to head down, I noticed that the trail took a dip but then rose again and went up, way up. I couldn't have seen that before. I have to admit, I was starting to get uncomfortable with my place in the woods at this point. These woods have always felt a little creepy to me because I don't know them and when I finally, for SURE got to the top of the hill it really was creepy. There was a small opening in the woods and there were monuments on either side of the path. One was particularly tall and at the top was a stone civil war solider standing and looking off into the distance with no nose. He was almost the last straw for me, I wanted to turn and run back down the hill to "safety". Instead I stood still and looked around. I listened and prayed. I felt ...afraid. All sorts of terrible thoughts ran through my head, I could see the headlines now. "They found the woman in the woods and they spotted her by her neon yellow shoes. She had been hacked to bits by what we believe to be as a machete, there must be a murderer on the loose in these woods."
So, to calm my fears I sat down on a monument and put my back flat against it so I felt less exposed on all sides. I took a deep breath and prayed for God to show up. Seriously, I was finally at the top of the hill and this is how I felt? All of the sudden I felt something on my leg. I looked down. It was a tiny tick that I had picked up, a little hitchhiker. I plucked it off and tossed it away and realized that was my lesson. It was all so simple. The calmness I needed came over me and I felt the Voice rise up and say. "What is it you are afraid of? Your mind plays games and tricks on you. You are letting the evil one frighten you when I do not put a spirit of fear in you.".
I felt so safe at that point. I stood up and started walking back down the trail and back down the hill letting the Voice reveal to me the message. See, I was afraid of things that weren't real. I was afraid of things in my head instead of being still and finding peace with Him. Peace was found when I was still and allowed Him to point out and make me aware the real dangers. Once I saw what I was supposed to be aware of, that tiny little tick, I knew that all my other fears were false. That tiny little tick was dangerous. His little bite held poison that could ravage a body. It wasn't the fear of what might be that as dangerous but what I wasn't even aware of that was.
So, because I was still God calmed my fears and opened my eyes and senses to the real danger. That tiny little hitchhiker almost went unnoticed, I almost bolted with fear before ever knowing he was on me. I realize now that the things I'm afraid of are in my head. There are so many things that we worry about daily and don't deal with out of fear. Fear is keeping us from trusting Him and makes us want to bolt instead of be still. So, while the climb was hard and I didn't want to do it, there was a lesson at the top. If I had picked the easy road and not gone up the hill I might not have learned the lesson He wanted to teach me but instead I let the Voice guide me, teach me and grow my knowledge of His wonders.
When I sat down to write this out I opened my Bible and again it opened to the perfect scriptures. Proverbs 8. The whole thing...every word of Proverbs 8 was for me (and you) and this lesson He is teaching us. Here are the most powerful parts to me but I encourage you to open His Word and experience it as a whole.
Do not be afraid. Trust Him, be still, and pray for His wisdom.
From the Bible Gateway, NKJV Proverbs 8.
The Excellence of Wisdom8 Does not wisdom cry out,
And understanding lift up her voice?
2 She takes her stand on the top of the high hill,
Beside the way, where the paths meet.
3 She cries out by the gates, at the entry of the city,
At the entrance of the doors:
4 “To you, O men, I call,
And my voice is to the sons of men.
5 O you simple ones, understand prudence,
And you fools, be of an understanding heart.
6 Listen, for I will speak of excellent things,
And from the opening of my lips will come right things;7 For my mouth will speak truth;
Wickedness is an abomination to my lips.
8 All the words of my mouth are with righteousness;
Nothing crooked or perverse is in them.
9 They are all plain to him who understands,
And right to those who find knowledge.10 Receive my instruction, and not silver,
And knowledge rather than choice gold;
11 For wisdom is better than rubies,
And all the things one may desire cannot be compared with her.
32 “Now therefore, listen to me, my children,
For blessed are those who keep my ways.
33 Hear instruction and be wise,
And do not disdain it.
34 Blessed is the man who listens to me,
Watching daily at my gates,
Waiting at the posts of my doors.
I am birth mom to my 3 boys, foster mom to 2 sweet babies, wife to my high school sweet heart, and daughter to my King. I love to write. I am no scholar but I love my Lord and He helps me.