Years ago I did my first Bible study all on my own: me, Bible, and God. It was directed specifically at healing my marriage that felt broken, "Meet Me In The Laundry Room" was born. I personally have completed the study, not once but, 3 times. Each time my marriage changed and grew. It is a personal study that was directed at my heart and one I plan to continue to improve upon. My marriage was renewed and is amazing. God is good!
Recently, God has been working on me about other things...
here's the story as raw and real as I can get.
My dreams are coming true. I am now a stay at home mom again.. I worked my direct sales business to the point that it exceeded my teachers salary and allowed me to come back home to raise my boys the way God intended me to do. Before, I was missing everything and it broke my heart so I came home. More importantly I felt like the one job God had given me I was failing at miserably because of a "career". These were my own personal convictions for my family and they were strong. So, I'm home now and I have all this time on my hands, what's a girl to do.
Well, I start a running group 3 mornings a week and sadly, start watching way too much TV while at home. This was NOT at all what I had intended. I let life get me down. Why? What? Say that again! Yes, I had my dream of being a SAHM again and I was failing at that! I folded clothes slowly during the day so I could catch up on shows on Netflix. In the mean time, I retreated for much of my week and became best friends with my love seat. I started letting people down in my business and THEN one day I went to here a girl speak about everyday idols in our life. I had an idol in my life and it was HUGE and it was letting me down.
The ladies conference I went to was set up, sold out, and planned JUST FOR ME! Kelly Minter was the guest speaker and did you know she drove all the way to my church from her home in Nashville just to talk to ME in that room full of other women! God sent her straight to me to pour into me what HE wanted me to hear. It was the most unreal thing I had experienced in a long time. My heart pounded as she spoke with love and conviction straight into my heart. I could not believe the words she said, she said them for ME. Then I looked around that sanctuary full of other women who sat quite and stunned and I realized...it was for them too. I bought her books and her CD's and took them home and put them on my night stand right along with other books I had been given recently.
God's conviction came down on my heart swift and fierce as I started slowing plowing through the first days study and first chapters of her book. I shared my findings and feelings with others and then popped in a CD. I listened to the days devotions over and over and over because each time I heard something new. That was because I listened to them all distracted by my day but still very hungry to hear them. Then one day something happened that changed my mindset and it was the most powerful day I'd had in a long time.
I had listened to an amazing devotion on that disc and the sweet voice kept saying "if, then" over and over. I glued myself to it and listened. Sunday morning was just the beginning of that powerful day. I walked into our church sanctuary and saw on the big screen
I think I stood with my mouth open during worship. All day God spoke to me about "if, then". "If I did this, then God would do that..." If I kept a clean house, then I would feel at peace. If I talked to more people, then my business would flourish. If I could lose more weight, then my life would be complete. Right? Does that sound anything like what goes through your mind? Do you think anything along those lines, like... If I did this, then my boss would respect me. If I buy this dress, then my friends will not suspect the debt choking us. If I don't pay this bill, then I can buy groceries. What ever your "If, THEN" is...mine was coming.
That evening after God had been showing me signs over and over that He heard my heart, I started reading in the book of Job. In the book of Job there is talk of silver and gold and how...God is my silver and gold. He directs even the lightening, the breeze that blows the flowers, He makes the waves crash on the shore and the sun give us light. I started feeling that there was something MORE, something I was missing, something BIG! Then the pastor preached about God's omnipresence out of Job. "Wow God! Really?" I thought in awe. At the end of the our church service I stood up and tears fell down my face because they couldn't stay swelling in my heart any longer and then it happened... In my mind I said. "Lord, if I am to go to your alter, then the preacher will say the right thing.(what ever that thing was)" As soon as I thought it I wanted to hit the floor. In hindsight I knew nothing the preacher said would have been right because my heart still had an over abundance of "if, then" and it only took that one for me to realize.
On the way home that evening I cried out to God right in front of my husband and kids in the car. God, show me! As I looked back down at my open Bible my eyes caught the scripture in Job that I had missed.
Surely then you will find delight in the Almighty
and will lift up your face to God.
You will pray to him, and he will hear you,
and you will fulfill your vows.
What you decide on will be done,
and light will shine on your ways. Job 22: 26-28
"God said to me, I am your Almighty...RETURN TO ME!" God was begging for me to return to Him. I was almost screaming, "I know I'm saved and love Christ but there is MORE." I know there must be something else, something I'm missing because I know GOD HAS MORE! I needed out of the dark place I had been for weeks. I needed the devil and his spirits of doubt and fear to stop rocking my world. I needed to return to the ONE who loved me and gave His Sons life for me. I was missed and He indeed had more!
So I prayed.
The next day I picked up a book off my husbands nightstand. One that was given to me by a friend in my life, the person who wrote it. It was given to me in Dallas after a church service back in August, this was October...why hadn't I opened it before? In this book the first message he wrote that caught my attention was "There is more!" I laid out prostrate, face down on my bed and cried out to God. It's all there. There it is, the MORE that God had for me.
He has more for you too.
This next Bible Study is for me, you can follow along but I will be sharing the amazing truth that God has already revealed and the more He has for us. Is it possible that this new study could be for YOU so that you can hang onto every word until God pours out the MORE He has for you straight into your life. I can not wait to share with you what God has opened my heart to in the last few weeks.
I was busy this morning making beds, collecting laundry, wiping down bathrooms, you know the stuff I always say I should do. Yes, I was actually doing it, but as I started down the steps I heard a small voice say....
"Why are you so busy? stop, Stop, STOP!"
I turned on my heels and went back upstairs, laid out on my neatly made bed and held my Bible. I closed my eyes and turned my focus on that voice. God wanted to know my heart. He wanted me to say out loud why I was so busy, too busy. So, I confessed that I am afraid of the changes He has been making in my life. While I get excited about seeing His works, I am a little afraid of the unknown. Truly, I am lost on His plans for me. I know He has them. Jeremiah 29:11 has become a popular verse around me lately. So, I asked Him to show me His plans. I want Him to plant a seed in me that will grow as a dream and turn into my purpose.
As I was praying I asked that He showed me in His word and I opened my Bible. Immediately my eyes fell to a little box in my Bible with a little green title that said : God Prevails in His Plans.
"Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails." Proverbs 19:21
At that moment my heart cried, "I have a God that is real, and BIG, and all in my life. I've asked Him to start revealing His plan for me. Slowly throughout the day He has unwound it for me. He's given me direction and first steps.
I noticed in my journal from back in April that I had written a message from Him that was on my heart after reading Haggai 2: 18 & 19.
"Come back to Me. My Spirit will bless you. I will remove chaos. I have a job for you to do. You can not be trusted with this job unless you stay close to me. Talk to me in everything you do. Do not become distracted. Do not forget. I have called you to serve many but you are weak and afraid. My children need You now more than ever. Write so you won't forget and seek My face daily!"
That journal entry was the last one written until I opened the book today. See, God forced me to go back and see it. My computer that I had been journaling on had failed and I grabbed the one I write in from time to time. For weeks, it is obvious that He has been giving me instructions to write.
So the rest of today's story goes....
I'm working on a book.
I'm writing it even if no one reads it because it was given to me to write.
I'm doing this because He is telling me it must be done.
I have found that if I say "I can't" He makes it possible.
About a month ago I told a friend about my little project and how I just couldn't bring myself to turn it into a book. She asked why. I had no real answer. My answer was that I didn't have time and that I was a little afraid of being so bold. Two weeks ago a blog reader messaged me and asked if I had my project in a book format that could be downloaded and sadly I said "no". Last week that project landed in my Inbox in a book format and I was too afraid to see it until 3 nights ago, I finally opened it and I just smiled. I'm so humbled that someone would love my work enough to do that for me. I'm more humbled that my Father thought it was worthy enough to put it on someone's heart to take that next step for me. The monthly requests from a publisher have never stopped since my first inquiry 2 years ago. Tonight, my husband said "I know you didn't want to publish, you told me a long time ago you didn't want to." I promise if it were up to me, I would not dream that big.
So, here's how I look at it. God is clearly calling me to do more. I'm not a gifted writer, I just enjoy spilling out things that are in my head and on my heart. I am a lover of books. I love books and reading them! So, I guess I will roll with it and maybe take a few extra steps to see what happens next. I feel like this project is His anyway. It never was mine.
I'm a little overwhelmed with all the clues and gifts He's given me today.
"Write so you won't forget."
My blog has always been personal to me. It has never been for anyone else but myself. It is where I write, it may be terrible, messy, chaotic, but it is always truth. I write even if no one reads, I write because I was called to do so. I can not make promises about how often I will write, when, or about what. It is always what is on my heart at that moment. It could be my work, my children, my hobbies, anything I want to touch on and share outside of my own head. Today, after a few days of God pricking my heart, I am writing....
A little background...My life gets messy fast. I am a mom of all boys, 3 of them, 4 if you count my husband, 5 if you count our dog. I love every minute of being their queen, their hearts, their pillar of strength when they need it. However, I get distracted easily. I let little bits of chaos begin to build in various places of our lives. I forget to remember to do things, I forget to write them down; my journals, my planners, my calendars may go empty for days.
God has been calling me to work for Him and I don't know what He wants from me. I don't know the direction He is sending me in but I know that He made my days, he prepares my way and He guides my feet through this journey of life. I count the little blessings and give Him glory for them. However, I lose sight of Him when I become too busy to notice the little gifts He leaves daily.
This morning, His calling while I am home alone has been strong. Yesterday He kept me in tears. They were only from the overwhelming love that radiates from Him. He has placed me here where heaven meets earth. He placed my soul here to do something besides the daily grind. I struggle with purpose...I STRUGGLE WITH PURPOSE. What is my purpose? I know I am to be a wife and mother. What else? What more does He have for me?
I laid prostrate on the floor this morning and asked Him to speak to me. He calls me by name. "Aimee, you can not know what I have for you until you open My Word." I got up, went for my Bible and the first thing I did, something I've never done, was put my lips against His word with love. OH! The feeling of loving Him...like kissing His face, I kissed His word, tears streaming down my face.
Opening His Word and letting the message fall open can be amazing. Some say it can be dangerous but there is nothing dangerous about His word. God is calling me to plant my flag, high on a hill for all to see and so that He can be present in our lives, gently, like the dew on the ground. He will rise up like the heat from the desert floor.
HAGGAI! Oh, Haggai, your message of Hope of God's involvement in our lives is so beautiful. It is truly our souls desire to be near our Father and Haggai brings us the promise. We must take our spiritual matters seriously. God wanted there to be a PLACE OF WORSHIP! A Temple for us to bring our worship too. Now we go so He can clean us and wash us...that alone is a symbol of servitude from our Father.
Haggai 2:19 Spoke to me about His promise! He speaks to me through His word but He also speaks to me in that small voice that says...
"Come back to Me. My Spirit will bless you. I will remove the chaos you are praying about. I have a job for you to do. You can not be trusted with this job unless you stay close to me. Talk to me in everything you do. Do not let yourself become distracted. Do not forget I have called you to serve many but you are weak and afraid. My people need you now more than ever. Write this down, so you don't forget."
I will kiss his face daily, the great I AM is calling me to love Him back. His love for me pulls me in. My purpose is greater than I can see. I can not see over His horizon but I will trust Him.
Readers: Please be in prayer for me and the purpose He has for me.
Bless you in advance!
I am birth mom to my 3 boys, foster mom to 2 sweet babies, wife to my high school sweet heart, and daughter to my King. I love to write. I am no scholar but I love my Lord and He helps me.