There are times in our lives were we just give up, we throw our hands in the air and just fall to our knees. We realize that we can no longer handle everything on our own. We hurt because we can't handle everything but in our minds we must be strong and handle it all. You know that saying ..."God does not give us more than we an handle".. is true. He only gives us what we can handle and He handles the rest...if you let Him. Actually, if you let Him, our Father will handle it all.
About a month after my plea to God to step in and take care of my baby where I was not able so that I could stop worrying, James and I found out we were expecting baby number 2. We announced it quickly because of our excitement. Our wait had been SO long. While this baby was long over due in my books, I began to worry. I was put on bed rest to avoid the preterm labor and early arrival of this baby like I had my first. The entire time I was pregnant I prayed over my growing belly. I'd watch my belly move in the water of the bath and I'd cry out (literally) to God to protect Him. I did this almost daily. When that baby was born, God made it PERFECTLY clear that He had been in control the whole time, that he orchestrated his arrival and birth to be perfect, that his name was perfectly chosen and that was when I realized God was listening to me.
Soon after baby number 2, baby number 3 came along and I found myself a mother of three at home alone all of the time. I was more lonely then than I had ever been in my life. James and I had gone back to church when baby number 2 arrived but it was such a lonely place for me too. So, we stopped going again. Then one day God sent a friend to my door. She knocked and I opened and she said "I heard you had another baby?" It still floors me to this day that I was so lonely in my little life that my own friend didn't know. She wanted to buy some of my maternity clothes because she was pregnant too. I sold her two tubs for next to nothing because I knew I was done and she needed them. The most important conversation I had had with a friend happened that day when she asked "Are you going to church anywhere?" Usually, I would say really fast that I was a member of "This or That Church" but I was honest and said no. With excitement she invited me to hers and we went.
When we first walked into that church with a car load of boys we were welcomed and we were "fed". The Holy Spirit was there that day and my heart could not believe what it was feeling and my ears could not believe what they were hearing. The Spirit moved in that church but it would be a long time before the Spirit would baptize me. In the mean time of waiting on the Spirit the relationship with our Father began to grow.
I heard the preacher once say "God is speaking to me, I can hear Him." That was when I realized that I had never heard His Voice. I didn't know how to hear His Voice and I sure didn't know if it were possible for me to hear His Voice. I was sure that hearing the Voice of God was reserved for those educated in the Bible or those he had "chosen". There was no way it was for me too, it just couldn't be for me. Something in me wanted to be that close to God so...I asked if I could hear Him.
God was listening...
My prayer for you today is that if you can not hear Him speak, that you open your heart to the possibility that He needs you to hear Him. You are special and He has something special for you.
I am birth mom to my 3 boys, foster mom to 2 sweet babies, wife to my high school sweet heart, and daughter to my King. I love to write. I am no scholar but I love my Lord and He helps me.