Last night just before going to bed I opened my Bible and it opened to a devotion called "Intimate Doubt". I fell asleep last night with the thought that "God doesn't call the equipped, He equips the called." The devotion was out of the book of Jeremiah and it pointed to the fact that even Jeremiah doubted His calling. He took that doubt to God and gave it to Him and God was okay with it. For the last month I have been doubting what He is calling me to do and consistently He puts scripture or devotions or words from others and even books that are screaming to me to WRITE! It's so hard to do that when your brain and mind and thoughts feel fuzzy. I ask "Why Me?" and "What about?" He pointed out something in my heart today that I believe!
See, I have a masters degree in Reading. Why Reading? It's simply, I love to read. I never have enough time to read and I believe that every human being deserves to have the ability to read. Reading is not just about words, it can be about symbols but ultimately it's about the CONNECTION!
Oh, my! While I write this something big is happening in my heart. CONNECTION! I took a test a few months ago online called Strength Finders. My number one strength was that I'm a connector, connectedness is my strength. It's not my only strength but it is was the one that I was found to be the strongest in. Here is what the Gallup Business Journal says about my strength.
Things happen for a reason. You are sure of it. You are sure of it because in your soul you know that we are all connected. Yes, we are individuals, responsible for our own judgments and in possession of our own free will, but nonetheless we are part of something larger. Some may call it the collective unconscious. Others may label it spirit or life force. But whatever your word of choice, you gain confidence from knowing that we are not isolated from one another or from the earth and the life on it. This feeling of Connectedness implies certain responsibilities. If we are all part of a larger picture, then we must not harm others because we will be harming ourselves. We must not exploit because we will be exploiting ourselves. Your awareness of these responsibilities creates your value system. You are considerate, caring, and accepting. Certain of the unity of humankind, you are a bridge builder for people of different cultures. Sensitive to the invisible hand, you can give others comfort that there is a purpose beyond our humdrum lives. The exact articles of your faith will depend on your upbringing and your culture, but your faith is strong. It sustains you and your close friends in the face of life's mysteries.
How then does God intend to use me as a writer. I have always believed I was a terrible writer...but friends tell me I'm good with the written word. I'd have to admit I'm much better with written than with spoken. I'm not a grammar nazi as some people call them. I just write and it may end up that I right. Or that their are so many mistakes in my righting that people have a hard time reading it. See. So I realize that there are gifts that people have beyond the written word and that would be to make sure everything is grammatically correct. I'm not bad at it but it's not my strength (wink). Instead what I am good at is seeing the connections.
Back to that...
When I was getting to my degree in Reading, one of the things that my beloved professor, Dr. Amber Prince, God rest her soul, said was, "The author is forever connected to the reader. Just as we are here and having this conversation, the author is able to convey thoughts and the reader is able to interpret them. The reader's response to the author is simply how the book effects the reader."
I'm going to stop fretting over WHY God wants me to write and just do it. Who knows what nonsense will come out of my finger tips? He does! I have a feeling that God will be directing them as well. I want to get lost in His thoughts because my thoughts are not His. I want the words that connect us, that come off my finger tips to be His.
1 Peter 5:7 was what our guest pastor preached on Sunday during service.
My sweet new friend over at DaughterZionDesigns had this beautiful print available. She's letting me borrow it. You should visit her shop. It's beautiful.
I saw this print and just KNEW it was connected to this lesson for me (and maybe you too). How else could it be more obvious? Casting your care, your anxiety, your fears, your burdens all on Him. He is the most capable. When you do then you can not take them back. So, I'm casting today.
I'm casting my intimate doubt!
What are you casting?
I am birth mom to my 3 boys, foster mom to 2 sweet babies, wife to my high school sweet heart, and daughter to my King. I love to write. I am no scholar but I love my Lord and He helps me.